It Goes By So Fast

This is one of the last pictures I have of us doing this.

Breastfeeding.

I knew this time together was about to end and documented as often as I could toward the end.

I thought to myself, “Why didn’t anyone tell me it would fly by so fast?!?” which is hilarious because that is all anyone says in the beginning.

It fell on deaf ears when all the seasoned mamas looked onto me and my newborn and told me the same thing they tell all other new moms. I know her heart felt a pang of grief and nostalgia as she repeated the words, “Savor every moment because it goes by so fast.”

It’s not what a new mama needs to hear. It’s not what I heard at all. I usually wanted to respond with, “Go away and get a grip, lady.”

But now I am her, looking back on time and hoping I remember every tiny squeak and newborn cry and cuddle. Even though I felt like I’d never NOT be nursing and pumping, I now know the time was fleeting. Fleeting AF, actually. So while I won’t tell the brand new mamas any of that, I will quietly look on and hope she savors what she can. I will be praying that moments of joy are found in between all the pain and struggle and hardship of having a newborn.

Sometimes I wonder if I savored the time enough and then remember that’s a silly competition to have with myself. There’s no way I could have known how I’d feel now, a year out with a baby who doesn’t want to nurse anymore. There’s no way I could have known how much I’d miss my newborn-mama self.

But here’s what’s beautiful — no one, not even time, can take away what I had, the mother I was, and the time I had with my son during the newborn months. I will always be her. She will always be a part of me.

It feels so clear to me that when a seasoned mama looks onto a newborn mama and feels that pang in her heart, she’s actually remembering who she is.