What I learned after surviving two head injuries (in two months)…

Jun
2017
07

posted by on From Charlotte, Self-Care

You may remember this article from last year. It’s worth repeating a thousand times. If you’ve ever felt guilt or shame for not loving and accepting your body as-is, then these words are for you…

One thing I constantly do with my clients is ask what they feel in their body when they go through movement.

It sounds simple but I know this can be one of the hardest parts of being in relationship with your body.

When I talk about being in relationship with your body and loving your body, I’m talking about the entire process one usually has to go through to find appreciation for the body they have. While I love the body acceptance conversations that are popping up in the mainstream media, I’m also noticing a lack of conversation around just how painful the process toward acceptance can be.

So many of us have tuned out our bodies. It feels easier to just not feel what’s going on. Sometimes it’s just too hard to tune completely into the dissatisfaction, pain, or downright disgust you’re feeling in your body.

I know how that goes. I’ve been there. And while I post videos of fancy Pilates moves on social media, I’m also telling you that feeling (mostly) positively about my body was NOT an easy road.

Before I could know and love my body, I had to FEEL ALL THE SHIT feelings I had about it.

Why?

Because when I really listened (like really, really listened) I realized just what a judgmental jerk I was to my body.

I was my own worst enemy.

I realized how much I was absolutely consumed by negative body-hating chatter. I realized how much I compared my body with other people and even with the younger version of me. I humbly realized how much I judged other women’s bodies in an attempt to feel better about my own.

All of that separated me from my Self, from my body, and even (especially) from other people.

Because I was so separated, I got seriously injured. I lived in pain. I constantly scrutinized how my body looked, I obsessed over food, and I lived in my own silent, body-hating Hell.

I 100% believed I would have a better life if I just had a different body that I didn’t have to work on.

And when I had two serious head (head!) injuries within two months — one involving a broken jaw that required surgery and a three-day hospital stay and another requiring staples in my head — I realized that I couldn’t gloss over how shitty my body was feeling anymore. It was destroying me.

After not being able to eat solid food for two months and losing 20lbs, I could barely climb a flight of stairs much less do all the things I loved to do. I suddenly realized how desperate my body wanted to feel nourished and I realized that my body had felt like this for a WHILE.

had to do the work to learn how to nourish my body.

Honestly, I was lucky enough to be alive after the injuries I sustained. The universe gave me two second chances and it was time for me to stop being consumed by hate, and start getting real with what my body needed in order to live a more loving and healthy life.

If I had never acknowledged the hateful and fearful voice on auto-repeat in my head, I never would have been able to (slowly) let it go. It was consuming me and the only way to make it stop was to listen to it.

When I listened to it, and when I started to radically take care of myself, and when I stopped looking outward and instead looked inward — when I really understood how my body works and what it needed, then I could create new body truths. I could understand that my hip pain is often related to stress. I saw where I was truly strong and the kind of movements I excelled at. I stopped forcing a new/fad/”perfect” diet and started feeding my body what it was asking to be fed. I started being just me.

So this is how I know that when I ask my clients to listen to their bodies, sometimes this brings up tears because it’s HARD. It’s dark. It’s a process that doesn’t always feel good. But it’s also liberating.

It’s liberating because it requires (and I mean, REQUIRES) knowing your body fully and being in an imperfect yet honest relationship with your body. This is what true, real love is all about.

And if you are reading this and thinking, “oh man, she’s talking about me”, then just know you are not alone. And it can be different. Listening to YOU might not be easy, but it will be freeing. And I am here to help if it so calls to you.

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